Football Pool Week One

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Like Oh Em Gee! It’s football season! I can smell it in the air, and by smell I don’t mean that putrid funk of sweat, ass, and Icy Hot that is emitting from the nearest locker room. It’s not even the smell of fresh dew in the morning or the cooling fall air. Nope, it’s the smell of broken hearts and dreams as the teams we love don’t perform as well as we hoped, unless you’re a Patriots fan.

Let’s hop right to it! Welcome to the football pool everyone. Most of you reading this may be my regular blog readers (all three of you), but you new comers are most likely coming from our pigskin pickem league over at ESPN. Don’t let that discourage you from reading my regular blog posts though, they’re amazing and will forever change your life. I’m just kidding, or am I? In the past I’ve written weekly articles for the football pool at my previous base, however, none of those people are participating in the league this year so it’s nice to have a new crowd (also a good excuse to reuse jokes). I’d introduce myself but then I’d feel like Facebook is a waste of time. Oh wait, it is. My name is Cody and I’m Eric’s dashingly handsome nephew who is crazy talented (until you catch all my spelling and grammar errors). My name in the league this year is Kibbles and Vicks and my other alias is HaloTitan. Now you know my name(s), please leave a comment with yours so we can all get to know who we’re whooping up on this year.

Memorable Week One Moments for Titan (that’s me):  <== unintentional yet awesome sad face.

• Tom Brady threw for 511 yards on the season opener against the Miami Dolphins while Wes Welker had an amazing 99 yard touchdown run as a part of it. Why does this matter to me, well because these two helped me dominate Eric in our fantasy football league. You got owned dude, maybe now you could tell me how Jodi Foster felt in The Accused.

• Cam Newton threw for over 400 yards on his season opening game. Was that fluke? Probably not considering they were playing Arizona, but his real test is week 2 when they face off against the Packers.

• Kyle Orton still sucks, argue with me if you want, but dropping the ball without being hit first was the sorriest thing I’ve seen since Jay Cutler a few years ago against the Chargers. Don’t blame the rain either buddy, that’s just a loser’s way out.

• The Denver Broncos quarterback drama has been more thrilling to watch than terrible Teen Mom show (little whores). So some radical diehard fans of Tim Tebow wanted to put up billboards in downtown Denver as a plea to John Fox to bench our starting QB for his underling. Tim Tebow replied to their ideas of the billboards and stated that the ten thousand dollars would be better spent going towards his charity and that he trusts his coach to make the right decision. What a humble guy. Orton on the other hand stated that he doesn’t care what the fans think, only what his fellow players and coaches think. Although that may be an accurate way to look at it, but keep in mind that it is the fans (the ones you don’t care about) that help keep those millions in your pocket.

• The Raiders suck.

• Did anyone get a chance to look at Big Ben this last weekend? I swear that guy looks like the Big Foot from Harry and the Henderson’s. On top of that, his beard is getting out of control, so much so that I wouldn’t be surprised if he had baby birds living in there (Family Guy reference).

• Finally, how about the Jets coming back to beat the Cowboys? In my opinion that was the best game of the week. What could be better to watch than the so called “America’s Team” cocking their shotgun and blasting that enormous foot of theirs. You’d probably be able to tune into the NFL network to catch a replay. Since I don’t have cable anymore, I was able to enjoy it from the comfort of my computer screen. That still didn’t beat watching a live stream of Monday Night Football on my cell phone, my neck still hurts.

I’d like to congratulate oneoutdoors for his win in week one. It was no doubt tough having to watch the Patriots and Dolphins face off and hoping you had guessed a better score than the other three people you were tied with. Celebrate while you can though; because I’m coming to get you buddy! I’d like to win more than one week this year.

That’s all the juice I have because I procrastinated on this article. None the less I do hope you enjoyed it and by all means please send me an email, reply on this post, or reply in the football pool and tell me things that you’d like me to write about. I’d like to keep it about football if we can because that’s what this is all about right? Please allow me to encourage you to read the other stuff I’ve written as well, it’s so amazing you’d think I’d be famous. Also, please feel free to click the “join this site” button (upper left hand corner under my picture) to become a member of my blog and to help support my awesomeness. See you all next week when I’m writing about my victory over you mwahaha.