Hmmm Let's Try This Again

It has been over two years since I’ve sat down with the specific purpose of writing a blog. You may be wondering where I’ve been during that long period and the only answer I can give you is that I was busy doing other things. During my absence the Broncos won the Super Bowl, I obtained my bachelors degree in Creative Writing, I started broadcasting on Twitch on a regular basis, and I’ve been working on my short stories that I hope to have published one of these days. So in a nutshell, that’s where I’ve been. Lately I’ve been in a downward spiral in life and the accompanying depression I’ve been in has inspired me to return to the world of blogging.

Oh no, depression doesn’t sound like any fun and you’re right, it’s not. I’m hoping that vomiting all of the crazy things in my head into a blog may help me out on a mental level, hoping it may clear up some space so I can think straight again. In preparation for typing up this return I decided to go re-read a lot of my old posts. I mean the first two years worth of blogging and I was honestly shocked at how different I am now than I was back then, a whopping five years ago.

Most of what I was writing seemed so angry and hateful. The cynical way I would describe things, the mean things I would say about other humans, and the pessimistic attitude I had really made me think, “wow, what an asshole.” I probably was a major asshole back then but after a short discussion with a close friend on the matter I realized that I was writing in the moment. I was married to a hateful, cynical person and it rubbed off on me. That was my attitude. If that’s how I was as a writer it had to be how I was as a person.

I use to struggle quite a bit with hating everything I wrote and I’m realizing now that it was because I was changing as a person. I tried to keep up with the type of writing I was doing but the cynicism and hatred was no longer there. So a lot of what I was saying was forced and as I went over it again I couldn’t stomach the content I had created. I’m shocked at the differences now because I’m no longer that type of guy. I feel I’m much kinder now and a lot more patient than Cody from five years past.

One of the biggest changes is that I’ve actually learned how to write a story. Storytelling has opened my mind to a vast abyss that holds all of the crazy thoughts, stories, dialogue, and pure nonsensical garbage that floats through my head on the daily. Add that to all the crazy things I have going on in life and boom you have man with a crowded brain. I’m consistently stressed out, anxious, and lately, depressed. One thing I was hoping to mature from in my writing is my excessive use of similes…but like Ted Bundy humping his way through a morgue, I’m only a creature of habit and I can’t make any promises on that front.

I’m currently undergoing a custody battle. This is the one issue in my life that has sent me spiraling and it’s a heavy issue on my heart. I may blog about it here in the future to get some of it off of my chest. I will also continue to blog about games and life in general. I may even write a few blogs about broadcasting on Twitch because that has become a very large part of my life. In fact I imagine some of my audience over there may wind up reading what I have to say here. Only thing I will promise is that this blog will deliver my inner thoughts, my inner demons. I’m going to stay true to who I am as a person, writer, and entertainer. I’ve learned many lessons in the past few years and one of them has been to handle rejection and criticism. So bring it on baby.

Also if you’re reading this and have a topic that you would like me to write about, feel free to leave a comment below or private message me on discord or twitch and I’ll jot it down in my blog journal. I look forward to blogging again and I hope you guys enjoy it as well. Until next time.

Oh, and go watch me on Twitch.tv/halotitan Sunday through Tursday 830PM to 1130PM MST.