I still have all
those thoughts and feelings for those subjects, but never again will I be able
to write them with such a fresh palate of emotions. A friend of mine has been
telling me to just write and post what I wrote without revision or editing,
which to me sounds insane. If I did that my blog would be full of diarrhea in
the form of words. No, I must still edit my work, but the realization that
other people may like my writing even though I don’t hit me like a ton of
bricks. I’ve been living the past year and a half of my life in a self-loathing
environment where I have been a victim to someone else. My wife left me for
another man. She’d never admit that it was for another man though, but instead
would go on to explain why I’m such a skid mark to society that she couldn’t
take it anymore. I bought into that whole-heartedly and let those feelings
control me. Maybe she’s right about me. Maybe I do suck at life and don’t
deserve things that I work for. But the reality is that she is wrong about me. I don't suck at life and I do deserve the things I work hard for. Before this happened I was always eager to
write and share my opinion with the world. I was always very excited to write a
new story so I could post it online for people to read. That ambition has been
silent for so long. In truth it’s never been silent, it’s been buried deep
within me and it screams to get out. The sound, however, has been muffled by
the much louder sound of me feeling sorry for myself.
I say no more to
that. People have been telling me to pick my balls up out of the dirt and move
on. Don’t let this one person and event drag you down. Clearly I ignored that
and in doing so I’ve destroyed a beautiful landscape I had filled with words,
and for what? A writer who doesn’t write really isn’t a writer, is he? I mean,
who cares that I just graduated with a writing degree? If I’m not actually
writing, that degree just becomes a piece of paper that is as useful as the
roll I have sitting next to my toilet. If you don’t practice your craft and get
better at it then you’ll never become anything. What if Stephen King gave up?
We wouldn’t know his genius and the world wouldn’t be rich with his amazing
stories. I’m not comparing myself to him, of course, but he is a prime example
that hard work and dedication can pay off. Anything in this life worth having
is worth working hard for and it will never come easy.
That’s why my
blog is back, that is why I am writing this now. No doubt in my mind I’ll hate
every word of this as I go through to revise it, but the world will see it
anyway. I know I have a talent for this and that is why I pursued it in the
first place, but I need to get over this self-loathing and realize that not
everything I write is garbage. So with all of that being said, I have decided
that I will be writing for at least one hour a day. Practice makes perfect,
right? Practicing my craft WILL make me better and that is what I’m hoping for.
It’s my goal to post at least one blog per week, get the script for my graphic
novel finished, start writing a game, and even a novel. My mind is full of all
sorts of crazy shit. I’m a dreamer who concocts insane stories in his head and
it’s time those stories see the light of day.
No comments:
Post a Comment