This Gaming Life Part IV: Moving Forward (G-L)

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Gauntlet
This game is freaking old school.  You're basically running around a giant maze throwing weapons at the rapidly re-spawning enemies (until you destroy their spawn) and collect treasure and keys to move onto the next sections.  I played this game four player co-op over Xbox live and it was some of the simplest fun I've ever had.  It does tend to get old after a little while though, as do most old school classics.  I give this game a G.

Gears of war
Gears of War 2
Gears of War 3

Gears of War is the only game to ever challenge Halo for my heart.  It's actually come quite close to winning it too.  The game is set in the future on a fictional planet named Sera, and the human colonies are at war with each other for a new source of fuel.  After eighty years of battle, the war finally ends, only for humanity to be attacked by subterranean monsters hell bent on killing everyone and everything on the planet.  It's a battle for survival, but unlike most games, Gears of War features a magnitude of loveable characters.  The writing is crafted very well and the game play adds to it very nicely.  Gears of War isn't the first game to utilize the third person duck and cover type of style, but they definitely perfected it.  Many first person shooter fans might be a little thrown off by how much slower this game is compared Call of Duty or Halo, so it's definitely something to get use to.  As if the compelling story and addictive game play weren’t enough, Epic Games took their sweet time crafting a beautiful destroyed world.  The graphics in the game are stunning and they really capture the horrors of war and the devastation wrought among the survivors.  I’m starting to get the feeling that Epic Games shits perfect on a daily basis.  It's a heart wrenching tale that I'm sure you'd love if you haven't already played the series, so I'd check it out.  Oh, the novels add much more to the plot as well, so if you know how to read, check them out.  All three games easily get an F.  Check out the trailers for all three of their games, they’re some of the most memorable in my eyes.  Watching Marcus Fenix tote around the desolate streets of a city to Gary Jules “Mad World,” is still a goose bump rendering experience. 

Geometry wars evolved

I'm in a spaceship looking thingy flying around a large rectangle and shooting at a bunch of shapes that are chasing me.  It's a quirky little arcade survival game and it's really not that bad.  Except I really suck at it and that makes me unhappy.  I often wonder if the fact that I suck at math the way Keanu Reeves sucks at acting is the reason I’m not that good at this game.  Or it could the hand eye coordination.  I rate this game M.

Grand Theft Auto 3
Grand Theft Auto Vice City
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas
Grand Theft Auto 4

The king of all sandbox games is Grand Theft Auto, hands down.  The thrill of roaming a real city and literally being able to do anything you want is what this game is about.  The player has the choice to do as he pleases.  The games got bigger and better and included more and more freedom as the series went on and as of right now the icing of this proverbial cake is Grand Theft Auto IV.  The games feature protagonists that work their way from rags to riches by climbing the ranks of organized crime within the corrupt cities they reside in.  A lot of drama, betrayal, and action come with these types of stories and they've always been enough to keep my attention.  If you play Grand Theft Auto IV and really pay attention to your surroundings, you’ll come to appreciate the level of detail Rockstar (developer) put into it.  That hotdog vender on the corner has always made me wonder if he’s still there while I’m across town holding up a bank.  I’m almost positive he is and that just makes the level of detail in the game even more impressive.  So I recommend checking some of these games out if you haven't ever had the chance to fly planes, drive cars, navigate boats, parachute from high buildings, get the army to chase after you, shoot pigeons, shoot pedestrians, steal cars from people, stick up a local food joint, ride a bicycle, lift weights, purchase hot dogs from an outdoor vendor, ride motor cycles, play with machetes, shoot every gun possible, attend strip clubs, get drunk at the bar, play pool, play darts, go bowling, go on dates, take taxi rides, have sex with your girlfriend, have sex with hookers, go shopping, go home and go to sleep, get online to meet sexy singles, duke it out with beat cops, hear foul language, take a tour of the city via helicopter, and participate in a massive gay orgy.  All GTA games get an F and I can't wait for GTAV (which has totally been announced).

Guitar Hero 2 F
Guitar Hero 3 G
Guitar Hero World Tour S
Guitar Hero Aerosmith M
Guitar Hero Metallica F

I've always tried to play the real guitar to no avail.  A monkey learning how to play the piano with his penis seems like an easier feat than teaching me to strum a few cords.  I don't know if I'm uncoordinated or what, but the guitar feels awkward when I hold it and I just can't seem to master it.  Thank goodness Guitar Hero was created for noobs like me.  With five simple buttons, I can master any of my favorite songs, well, whatever songs they released with the game that is.  I never really had the chance to enjoy the original Guitar Hero, but I have played almost all of them since.  The second and third games were really good, but World tour was just absolute garbage.  That game was released after Rock Band.  Rock Band made their debut and showed the world what a real "band" game should look like so of course Guitar had to try and keep up.  From that point on, the Guitar Hero franchise seemed extremely desperate to maintain their level of success.  The series really started to sink when they made games targeted for specific bands.  I only played two of them, Metallica being an extremely mediocre game while Aerosmith rocked my world.  Here’s an idea though.  If you make a game that targets a specific band, perhaps leave all the other bands you think are related out of it.  I want just Aerosmith, not Brittany Spears and Aqua.  To this day though, I’ve still never even to beat “Through the Fire and the Flames,” on any difficulty.  The rankings are above.                                                                                                                                          

Gun

You’re name is Colton White and the man you’ve been riding with just died.  Oh, he happened to tell you that he was your dad before his last breath escaped him.  How shitty is that?  “I’m your dad” *dead*.  Well regardless of how Colton may have felt, he still makes his way to Dodge City in pursuit of the man who is responsible for his father’s death.  We’re taken on a mediocre story of good versus evil, but the fun western game play makes up for that.  Killing wildlife just because you can (and because the animals are dangerous to humanities existence) and pimp slapping Indians are a few things the gamer will encounter.  Also, running mail for the Pony Express and making random bandits your bitch can be seen as well.  It’s not the greatest game in the world, but it certainly did make for a great time.  I rate it G.

Half Life 2
Half Life 2: Episode 1
Half Life 2: Episode 2

Gordon Freeman is the brainy silent type that is well known for whooping some ass while solving puzzles.  Granted, it's the gamer controlling his actions, but fantasy is why we play games right?  Half Life was a tough game to get into because I didn't understand the story.  I missed the first few games so as I progressed through Half Life 2, I was kind of lost.  It didn't matter though because the game play made up for everything, especially when I got the gravity gun.  The gravity gun is a weapon that can pretty much pick up any object and spew it in whatever direction you want.  My favorite was picking up the bad guys themselves and shooting them like fleshy cannonballs towards their comrades.  Running around this massively beautiful world was great; however, I found it to be extremely creepy at times.  A few times in the game Mr. Freeman is encountered by someone I only know as Gman.  He seems to have a supernatural control over Gordon and apparently is watching his every move.  He's an eerie character though because of the way he speaks and the fact that you can spot him randomly throughout the game.  I'll never forget when I was driving a boat with no one in sight only to look towards the abandoned boat house on my distant right and saw Gman adjusting his tie.  He quickly turned and walked away after I noticed him.  Freaking creepy if you ask me.  I loved all of Half Life 2 and its episodes one and two.  They all get an F.

Halo Combat Evolved F

Halo 2 F
Halo 3 F
Halo 3: ODST G
Halo Reach G
Halo Wars M
If you haven't been keeping up with my blog, I'd suggest some back tracking because I did an entire post on Halo alone.  My opinion has already been stated and I've rated the games above.

Hardwood Backgammon

Have you ever played a real game of backgammon?  If so, this game is exactly like it.  If you've never played backgammon, well you're not missing out.  I’ll wait until I wear my pants around my belly and smell like old wrinkly ass before I attempt this game again.  Totally gets an M.

Hardwood Hearts

I love hearts; it's one of my favorite card games.  I think I'd rather play it with people I know though because the computer does nothing but cheat.  Like backgammon, Hearts is exactly the same as the real thing.  No change there, period.  This game gets an M. 

Harm's Way

This is the last game I played that was released for free by Doritos.  It really is a fun game, well at least for the fifteen minutes I played it.  I literally got every single achievement in fifteen minutes because it was that easy.  The basic concept of the game is a blast though.  Teams are grouped into two people.  Each team had a person who would drive the car around the race track like they would in a typical racing game.  The other player gets to sit in a tower with a giant sniper rifle.  You should start getting the idea.  Pretty much the one guy races while his teammate does his best to snipe the other drivers on the road.  It can be a little frustrating at first, but once you figure out how to get a head shot, it's stunningly refreshing.  It's really quite a shame that the driving portion is completely lame and the fun only lasts long enough to get the achievements.  I'd love to see a perfected idea like this in the future.  This game gets an M.

Hexic HD

Hexic HD is a puzzle game that is slightly reminiscent to bejeweled.  Hexic takes the puzzle factor a little deeper though by forcing the player to weed out bombs, create flower shaped patterns with the colors, and create black pearls.  I'm pretty sure that my brain power focuses itself on the right side, so I do struggle a little bit with puzzle games.  The most fun I've had with it was watching my wife work the game with some mad skills.  She’s a freaking guru at it.  It's not a game I'd typically flock to, even during times of boredom, but I will say it's a pretty decent game, especially since it came free with my Xbox 360.  I rate it G.

Hitman: Blood Money

Hiding in plain sight is the name of the game.  Being as quiet as humanly possible while finding unique and special ways to pick off your targets can also be the name of the game.  Killing guards and dressing in their clothes so you can get closer to a target without actually being seen is so much fun.  I actually suck at Hitman, but considering my surroundings and age at the time, I do believe I blasted through this game carelessly.  I'd like to give it another go, only this time around I'll be a lot stealthier than I was before.  I really wish I had gotten into this series long before Blood money because Agent 47 is a stoic character who you want to sympathize with because of how he was treated.  It's just a shame he dies at the end.  Or does he?  He wakes up at the end and kills everyone, including all the bad guys and even the poor priest.  Did I spoil that for you?  Oh well, the game is like five years old, perhaps you should have played it by now if you really cared.  I rate this game a G.

Hunter: The Reckoning  
Gaming was still a very new concept to me at the time this game came out.  I had already gone through a racing game stage, a snowboarding stage, and then of course there was Halo.  Along comes this four player co-op game that was extremely fun to play, yet mildly annoying at the same time.  Let me just say that I'm not a fan of co-op games that force the players to move in conjunction with each other in order for the screen to move along.  Unfortunately this experience makes up most of my memory of the game.  I couldn't tell you squat about the story or much about the game play.  The very last time I played it I can tell you that we got stuck trying to beat a boss, but to no avail.  My Uncle may have actually finished the game in a solo play through, but that's all I would know.  I rate the game a G because I do remember having a lot of fun and co-op games are the key to this gamers’ heart. 

Indigo Prophecy

This game marked the first time that the decisions I made within the game actually had an effect on the plot.  The game is set up as a cinematic adventure and is relatively linear with its storyline.  We take over as Lucas Kane at the time he is stuck in a trance in a local diner.  To his surprise, he murdered a complete stranger for reasons he doesn't even know.  Since the game is mimicking a cinematic feature, we get to play as the other characters in the game as well, namely the officers Carla Valenti and Tyler Miles who are attempting to solve that crime as well as numerous other random murders around the city.  The game play is very unique because it requires a lot of use of the joysticks rather than the buttons (actually I don't really remember using the buttons at all).  Much of the game is spent being guided in a linear path that allows the gamer to change course here and there and even determine subtle outcomes.  The action sequences in the game are also based off the joysticks in a Simon says type of manner.  Press up on both joy sticks and you'll jump, down and right to pull off a sweet fight move, etc.  The entire game is played like this and it's really meant for people who are fixated on good stories.  The story gets a little whacky and paranormal, but it's most definitely a stunning thriller.  Add the new game play style and quirky puzzles to the story and you get what I rated it, an F.  I will say that the censorship in this game disturbed me.  The American version didn’t have as much nudity as the original.  What a shame.

Jet Set Radio Future  

Oh no!  The people of Tokyo are no longer allowed their right to freedom of expression!  Well the dozens of playable characters in Jet Set Radio Future have decided to fight for their right by taking back the territories of the city by literally inking them with graffiti.  What better way to express one's self of expression than to paint your amazing art on random buildings all over the place.  The characters in the game roll around on their roller skates in a Tony Hawk style game.  The big difference between this game and Tony Hawk though is that this game is actually pretty good.  The majority of the time is spent skating around whilst collecting spray cans and do ridiculous tricks on anything this city offers as a grinding post.  Tokyo is your playground and I spent a good ton of time there (yet I still managed to not beat the game).  I rate this colorful and quirky game an F and I highly recommend it, even though it's an original Xbox Title.

Kinect Adventures

With the Kinect, you are the controller.  I had heard about this new technology coming out with the Xbox, but since I consider myself a hardcore gamer, it really wasn't that appealing to me.  Sure I could play good old party and sports games, but in the end, it would probably get as much use as my Nintendo Wii does (none).  A friend let me borrow her Kinect and this was the first game I played on it.  I must say that I was rather impressed.  The game types were fun and easy to learn and I swear to God I lost like ten pounds over the weekend playing it nonstop.  With silly little games like plugging the leaks in the underwater tank, or hitting the red balls down to hall to break the blocks, my wife and I had a blast.  Hardcore gaming may not be ready for gaming without a handheld controller, but it's comforting to know that there is fun to be had in the laid back casual games section.  I rate Kinect Adventures G. 

Kinect Sports
I actually enjoyed this game much more than any sports game I've ever played on the Wii.  Bowling is colorful and fun while boxing is an actual work out.  Even pretending to be a track star that is good at sprinting and jumping is a blast.  I even got to throw the shot put and javelin.  Not all game types are straight forward; in fact most of them have little challenge type game modes that make up for most of the fun.  Sure I can play soccer, but I'd rather trick the goalie and see how balls I can get past the fat bastard.  It's definitely not a dull game and I'm eager to rate it F. 

King Kong  
For a movie game King Kong did quite well.  Following a linear plot, the game treads down the same path as the movie, only in a more interactive way.  Racing through the jungle trying to save the girl was very entertaining as well as the entire New York City scene.  The game play was the only thing worthwhile though, unless you've never seen the movie.  If you've seen the movie, then don't expect anything new.  If all else fails, it's an extremely easy 1000 gamerscore points.  I rate King Kong G.

L.A. Noire
It's the year 1947, one of the deadliest times in Los Angeles history.  We get to play through the story as Detective Phelps and watch him climb the ranks in the L.A.P.D after his career in the military.  The game play is rather slow, yet interesting.  As an officer, we get to go to crime scenes that are murder, traffic, drug, or arson related.  Arriving at the crime scene we must search the area for clues and from there, using the clues we find to successfully interrogate the witnesses/suspects.  The game is really unique because Team Bondi (developers) used a new technology that captured real life actors and actresses so that their facial features and expressions show up flawlessly.  This would often help determine whether or not you could physically tell if the person was lying.  The story started off strong and it was pretty intriguing, but I do have to say that close to the end it took a nasty twist and ruined the entire plot.  To make matters even worse, the ending was terrible.  I did enjoy playing as a detective working to solve the mysteries, but unfortunately the game being a little too slow and the nasty story twist gives this game a G rather than being a favorite.    

Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead 2

I was first intrigued for Left 4 Dead when I saw the trailer for it, but playing it hooked me for life.  It may not be the best zombie game on the market but it certainly has been innovative and creative.  It's a four player co-op game that allows the gamer to play as one of four characters as they fight their way through different zombie filled scenarios.  Each chapter is relatively short which paves the way for multiple playthroughs.  The game is featured as a first person shooter and provides the gamer with many different weapons and tools to use against the massive zombie hordes.  Be careful though, not all of them are as easy to dispatch.  The game actually threw me for a loop when I realized that it featured special infected that each had their own advantages over the survivors.  The smoker has a tongue that can lasso a survivor from a great distance and actually drag them away from their friends while the horde mauls his face.  The worst of them all would be the tank, which is describes him perfectly.  It takes a massive amount of bullets to thwart him and if teamwork is absent, you may find yourself dead.  The first game was my favorite, but the second game isn't bad at all.  It added a bunch of new weapons and special infected as well as making the campaign scenarios connect together and follow a linear plot.  Even though these games give me horrific nightmares (seriously), I rate them both F.

Limbo
Like the black and white movies of the past, Limbo's setting is dark and rigid.  We wake up a black boy.  No I don't mean the race, but literally the color.  All we can see of the boy or any other solid object in the game is the outline.  The world is purely black and white with the characters themselves being colored in black.  His primary defining feature would be his white eyes.  The game is basically an obstacle type game.  We take this little boy on a journey through the jungle where he'll face giant spiders, other little boys who try to kill him, giant flies, rotating saws, cliffs, electricity, and even water.  It's a side scroller as well, which makes navigating rather easy, but due to the difficulty of some of the obstacles, this game can cause a little bit of a headache at times.  That's it, that's the game in whole.  At points he sees a little girl playing by herself, but he can never seem to reach her.  Perhaps the name Limbo fits the game very well.  I rate it F.

Lost Odyssey

I never really got that far into this game and I'm still undecided about whether or not I should care.  Lost Odyssey is a Japanese role playing game, a.k.a I punch you, you punch me, I punch you again, until someone dies.  I find it to be an extremely redundant and an absolutely tedious process.  The only real thing that kept me playing that game as long as I did was the stunning graphics and semi decent plot.  I did wind up quitting though when I couldn't defeat a boss with the dumb strategy fighting.  I rate this game M, solely for the fact that the fighting sucked major ass. 

Lost Planet

What's the story again?  No idea except I'm running around in the third person format killing aliens that come in the form of giant bugs, worms and other humans.  I get to roam around with giant guns on a giant snow planet while occasionally hopping into a giant mech, which is super awesome.  I really do wish I remember the story better but it really wasn't all that good.  The gameplay was the best, especially the epic worm battle.  The final boss was freaking crazy tough to beat, but I accomplished it baby.  I rate the game G.