What Will the Future Hold

Okay, so I know it’s been close to two months since I last posted and I have a very good reason.  I was working, playing video games, spending time with the family, enjoying the holidays, and enduring a minor case of writer’s block.  Okay, so the last one may not be entirely true.  I have been working on a blog and let me tell you it’s massively long.  It’s the Part IV continuation of “This Gaming Life”.  I’m rather tired of talking about games of the distant past and I’d like to talk about the games that I’m playing now.  Part IV is my way of letting the past stay where it is so I can move forward.

This current post is just a quick update for the three people who read this to know what’s going on with me.  I know it’s been a couple of months since my last post so I decided to take a break from the incredibly long blog I’m working on to tell you what’s been up.  So where do I begin?   Okay how about the part where I’m getting administratively discharged from the military because I cannot pass my physical training (PT) test.  I’m proud that I can honestly say that I did the best I could.  I went down fighting and in the end I only missed passing by two seconds on the 1.5 mile run.  The Air Force has recently changed their requirements for the PT test and I have problem with it.  First off, I only struggled once with the old standards and that was due to my own negligence.  The Air Force tests its members in four separate areas to determine whether or not they’re fit enough to sit at a desk for nine hours a day.  In order to pass you need to get a score of at least 75%.  On top of that, each category has a minimum requirement you must reach in order to pass.  You can do amazing in everything except sit ups and get a final score of 78, which is a passing score, but you still fail because you didn’t do the minimum amount of sit ups required.  How crazy is it that you can reach a passing overall score yet are still deemed unfit to serve your country?

The same concept works for passing all of the minimum requirements and still failing to get a 75%.  It just seems to me that it would make sense to have all the minimum requirements add up to 75 which would make the goals rather easy for people to reach.  I passed all stages of the test and still failed overall by like .6 or .8.  It was a bitter pill for me to swallow, but I had to suck it up and press on because in the end I had left everything out on that track and I couldn’t have asked for more.  You can ask the guy I had pacing me if you want verification.  I’m not going to give you any of his personal information though, but seriously, if he wasn’t there I would have bombed it.  He kept pushing me though.

“Dude, I can’t breathe, I’m going to die”

“You can die after the run!  Let’s go!”

Well I must have been on someone’s good graces because my commander asked me if I wanted to test again.  I said yes.  What else would I say in that situation?  I am on the verge of being deemed a big piece of shit because I suck at running.  It doesn’t matter that I’m a pretty good Airman as far as work goes, if you suck at PT, you’re a dirt bag.      

“Okay, we’ll have you signed up for next Monday.”

What?  That’s only three days between tests.  It’s mandated that you’re supposed to have at least 45 days in between tests for proper rest and rebuilding.  I wasn’t going to turn it down though because I only missed the test by two seconds.  Get me back out there that second day and everything was the same.  I even did two more sit ups for good measure.  When we were out there running, something felt different.  I was more energized and fueled with an abundance of adrenaline that I didn't understand why I failed the last test at all.  I was feeling good about this.  We were actually cruising so fast that had we finished at that pace, it would have been a twelve minute time, a minute and sixteen seconds faster than the last test.  I don’t know what happened though, we started out on the fourth lap and at the end of the first turn I felt myself plunging forward.  I landed on my knees and my face, but I didn’t feel any of it because my stomach sinking was the only thing I could feel.  I wound up finishing the test a whole minute slower than my last time.

Sure the lady running the test told me that I shouldn’t have been testing again so soon, but the commander can make me do whatever he wants me to.  Twice I was doing great and twice I came up short like a total noob.  Perhaps this whole situation is just a blessing in disguise.  If you know me personally, it’s no secret that I don’t really like being in the military.  I can’t stand it and I feel that it’s hindering everything I want to become.  I want to program video games and write novels and game scripts, not sit behind a desk all day copying medical records.  What kind of life is that?  My stripe was taken from me, the fifth test in a row went on my record, and to make matters worse, I was never able to find out whether or not I made my next rank. So now I go to work every day as a five year veteran wearing the same rank as people who have been in for 6 months.  Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

So here is what I know.  I’m being discharged most likely within the month.  It’s quite hard to tell exactly when my final day will be because I have yet to be “officially” notified.  I was given a heads up on the final decision though so I’ve already began my preparation.  Months ago I applied for my GI Bill benefits and just recently I submitted my medical records to the VA so I can collect my benefits from them as well.  Everything seems to be falling into place, in a strange kind of way.  Our plan is to have me attend school full time for computer science all while being a stay at home dad.  I’ll have my bachelors near the end of 2012 so it’s not too far off in the future, assuming I’m able to attend school full time.  I should be able to though, there is nothing hindering me.  On top of it, I’ll get to spend more time with my children and work on my book!

I still can’t help but to be nervous though.  I attended a week long course called TAPS, which is designed to assist military members in crossing back over into civilian life.  I found it quite funny that when I signed the documents to join the military I was scared, confused, nervous, and excited all at the same time.  I was given training and everything turned out all right.  Now here I am experiencing all of those same feelings about becoming something I was just nearly six years ago.  A civilian.  It’s what I’ve wanted almost the entire time I’ve been in, but I’m scared.  I didn’t have a wife and two children when I first joined.  How am I supposed to support them now?  Sure my wife works, but I had a housing allowance, food allowance, and free medical care for my entire family while I was serving.  Now I won’t have any of that! 

The life lessons I’ve learned are tough and I hope that in the future I can show my children through the wisdom of these tough lessons, the smart way to tackle the tough road of life that lies ahead of them.  I just hope they’re not as stubborn as me and actually take the advice handed down to them by people who have experienced their own rough journey in this world.

So here we are, at the end of an era and I’d like to say a few things about the military.  Many of you who know me know that it would be unlike me if I weren’t bitching about being in the military.  I’m the first person to admit that I don’t like being controlled.  When you sign that dotted line, you sign your life away.  No longer do you go to work for your nine to five and then forget about work when you’re off.  In the military you’re on the clock night and day, including weekends and holiday vacations.  I was called into work at three in the morning one time just to pee in a cup.  I didn’t want to go into work with the rest of my squadron for a random drug test, but I did because I didn’t want to go to jail.  It’s the minor things like that, that just irritate the shit out of me.  I hate being tasked with twenty different things other than my primary duty and not getting paid more money for it.  I still get paid the same amount no matter how much work gets added onto my plate

I could go on for pages and pages about all the things I despise about the military, but here’s something you should know about me.  I’m a chronic whiny bitch.  I’ve bitched about every single job that I’ve ever had and not once have I really looked at the positive, not until I joined the military.  I may not like the military, but not because of the stupid petty reasons I could list off.  Instead, I don’t like the military because it’s a lifestyle that is not meant for people like me.  I’ve never adapted to the military way of life and it’s ironic to me that I didn’t because I grew up as a military brat!  My dad is retired military, so wouldn’t that mean it should be easy for me to adapt to the same lifestyle I had growing up?  I guess not.  I know people who were born and bred to serve in the military and they gladly place their life on the line for this country and their fellow Americans and wouldn’t dream of any other job.  I wish I could say I was one of those people, but I’m destined for other things. 

My time in the military was far from wasteful and I’ll actually be walking away with a lot of new wisdom that I lacked six years ago.  I’m walking a lot taller than I ever have and I’m a lot more mature than I use to be.  It’s a great honor and privilege to have even served as a member of the world’s greatest military power.  I’ve learned how to be a leader, a follower, a listener, a speaker, a wingman, a father, a husband, and a contributing member of this society.  I’ll never regret the time I’ve spent serving my country and I’m very grateful to have served at all.  The only thing I do regret is the way I’m departing it.  I wish I could have prepared better and maybe allowed myself the chance to get out on my own terms.  But, nevertheless, farewell to the military.  I will not miss you, but I do thank you for the life lessons you have taught me.  Oh, actually, I will miss the free health care and the thirty days a year of paid vacation.  In the words of Mel Gibson and his completely made up character, William Wallace, “FREEDOM!”