PAX East 2013 Day 3

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            I am extremely tired today. We didn’t get home from our last panel until like midnight. I took a shower and all that fun stuff and wound up in bed at around one in the morning. All this so I could get up at six this morning, pack what stuff I could and get out the door. So we’re sitting here in line again and we all came up with this great idea. Since everyone probably bum rushed what games they wanted to play first thing yesterday, there wouldn’t be many people doing it again today. So our new perfect plan is to get to the Last of Us as soon as the gates open. We have an even better advantage this time because we are literally right near the front, our best line position yet.

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            You would think we’d have seen this coming. Of course everyone bum rushed the Last of Us the same way they did with Elder Scrolls Online yesterday. Fortunately we are much closer in line. The only bad thing also happens to be the best thing about this game’s demo. It’s thirty minutes long! So we’ll be standing in line for probably an hour, but we’ll at least get to play for a good while.

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            So I have never owned a PlayStation 3 because it didn’t really have any games that I was dying to play on it. That all changed like twenty minutes ago when I finished the demo for the Last of Us. I was extremely impressed with the games graphics and stealthy game play. I’m not entirely sure this is a zombie game, but it certainly feels like it is. The detail in the characters faces is impeccable and the voice acting is spot on. The intense stealth and combat system kept me enthralled the entire time I was playing. I hadn’t even realized that our thirty minutes were up when the guy came tapping me on the shoulder. I wanted to stay and play more. They were giving little foam bricks to anyone who could complete the demo in time. I was pretty close to the end but still managed to fall a couple of minutes short. Tom failed as well, but Patrick didn’t. He came out of the showcase area and smacked us in the face with his foam brick.

            We had walked around for a little bit before heading up to the Gearbox panel. We lost Patrick again. I’m sure he’ll turn up before it starts. Ha, he’s calling right now.

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            I will never miss a Gearbox panel. Ever! Those guys are amazing and they gave away a bunch of free crap. They introduced Krieg, a new playable vault hunter as well the next (and I’m assuming last) campaign expansion. Some of you may remember the collector’s edition of Borderlands 2 and how it came with a loot chest, right? Well apparently they had a bunch of them left over. Everyone coming into the theater was given a color-coated card and one of the panelists drew one from a bucket. Whoever had the orange card got a freaking loot chest. I did not get one and I cried a little bit inside. But they didn’t leave us hanging. Randy Pitchford surprised everyone by giving him or her DLC codes for their new and upcoming character. He’s like the Oprah of gaming. Mind. Blown.

            Then Gearbox got into a little discussion about what they were doing with their newest game, Aliens: Colonial Marines. If you haven’t already heard, the game turned out to be a giant flop. Like it literally shit the bed. It was getting solid crap reviews across the board. Now I was expecting head honcho, Randy Pitchford, to make some excuses about it, but he surprised me. He told the crowd that they love the Aliens franchise and they love the game they put out. He also stated that they would continue to stand by it and support it so it can be the game everyone was hoping for. Mind. Blown.

            He didn’t pull a Casey Hudson and point fingers at other people or blame ignorance on the matter. Instead he manned up, pointed out the crappy reviews, and told us that they were doing all they could to make it the game people want to play. What a man. I have huge respect for someone like that. That is why we are now standing in line outside of the theater to get some autographs from Randy Pitchford and his crew. They are gaming inspirations.

            Oh, Patrick is missing again. Apparently he went down the escalators and is trying to get back up.

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            Meeting and shaking the hand of Randy Pitchford made me feel like a schoolgirl crushing on Elvis. As they were signing our stuff I told them that they would be hiring me in a couple of years. I thought they were going to laugh at me and tell me to fuck off, but instead Randy told me that he loves confidence in people. So there you have it people, I now have a goal to work for Gearbox Software. It will happen.

            The funniest thing happened when Michael Neumann, creative director/writer/voice of Scooter, started signing Tom’s code cared (you know, the one they gave us for a free character) right over the code itself. He stopped almost as soon as he started.

            “Oh man! I’m an asshole.” We started laughing, but he wasn’t done. He signed his name in an appropriate spot and then on the other side he wrote the word “Asshole” and drew an arrow down to where he messed up. Totally epic. Patrick never did make it up to us. Apparently once you go down you can’t go back up. He was extremely pissed of to say the least. I think he might cool down though. We went back to the expo floor for one last hoorah and he hopped on to the Lost Planet 3 demo while Tom and I came over to the Rooster Teeth booth to see what they have for sale. The line is huge, but it’s because Burnie Burns is signing autographs. Yeah, we’re waiting for one.

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            Patrick was feeling much better by the time he got back to us. He told me that Lost Planet 3 sucked and that it wasn’t worth it. Duly noted. We waited for a good while in line when Jack from Achievement Hunters (also from Rooster Teeth) came over asking if we wanted pictures and autographs. I was like, yes. Your beard is awesome. So he signed our stuff and I told him I wanted a picture, but only if we cuddled. This large man wrapped his hands around me and I was honestly scared for a second. The picture shows my fear. Not too long after that we got our stuff signed by Burnie, and Patrick and I took a picture with him. There were other people in the booth leading up to Burnie that were signing autographs too, but I didn’t know who they were and the whole situation felt awkward. I didn’t really want an autograph from people I didn’t know, but they were looking at me like they were waiting for it. I just stared at the Mortal Kombat cosplayers behind us until we passed them up.

            Well that’s it guys. After we collected Burnie’s signature we took off. I had a ton of fun at PAX East this year and I’m completely looking forward to going to PAX Prime. Email me or drop comment if you have any questions. I will be posting all of my pictures in a separate post.  

PAX East 2013 Day 2

  I’m not too sure how journalists manage to bring their laptops everywhere with them so they can type up quick fast journals as they experience whatever it is they’re doing, but man it was tough for me. I suppose a lot of those guys get dibs on things they want to check out while the rest of us lower class gamers have to wait in line for decades, which gives them a better chance to sit down and write about it later. Perhaps someday you guys will like my blog enough to make it popular and I will get to be one of those lucky few that walk around PAX wearing the “media” badge, but I digress. So I do apologize that this update is a couple of days late, we had a lot going on during day 2 and 3 (not including a thirty hour road trip) that made it so I couldn’t write much of anything other than quick notes. Here is how Day 2 went down

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Our game plan for today is fool proof, head straight to the most popular game before anyone else does. We’ve landed ourselves a decent spot in the queue; I think there are only a few hundred people ahead of us. I’m pretty certain we are the only ones that have this amazing plan to go straight to Elder Scrolls Online. My money is on these guys being total noobs looking at all the other stuff that’s on the floor while we slip by and play Elder Scrolls before them.

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            Yeah well, we were wrong. After speed walking to keep up with Patrick, who is so tall that one step for him is like fifty for me, we showed up to an already huge line. The wait is probably going to be over an hour and we were in the front portion of the entire crowd! Nevertheless we’ll tough it out because the unfortunate folks just minutes behind us are being told that the wait is three hours long. We’ll consider ourselves fortunate.

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            After chatting up our fellow gamers for an hour and scoring another free T-shirt, we finally had our chance to preview a twenty-minute demo of Elder Scrolls Online. I must say that it looks a lot like Skyrim but in a much sexier way. The graphics for this early beta are already extremely juicy and colorful. I walked up to one of the stone buildings in the game and the texture is vividly detailed. I could pick out specific cracks and crevasses on the stone, and that’s on an unfinished version people. The demo started out with a quick tutorial from one of the games developers on how to set up our characters. We chose from one of three factions, although we didn’t really get to choose a specific race, that process was randomized. After that we were given six skill points to use. I chose a mage character and spent my points on powerful spells. Abilities can be set down in a quick launch bar were I could easily access them in the middle of combat.

The combat system felt much like Skyrim, which is a great thing. The movement was smooth and each confrontation was as engaging as the last. I’m still at a shock at how great this looks and I left the demo wondering how great this game will look and play in the final version. Oh before I forget, let me share one last note on my Elder Scrolls Online experience. I really loved the revive system. I died quite a few times, because I apparently suck, but rather than being forced back to my previous checkpoint, I simply revived right where I died. It took a few moments to come back, but when I did I was able to wreak havoc like I had never left the battlefield. Overall, I’m excited to see what Bethesda is planning for this game. Will it be free to play or will they have a monthly subscription? This is one of the biggest factors in my future decision to purchase it or not.

Due to the long wait time and the awesome twenty-minute demo for Elder Scrolls, we unfortunately missed out on the Bioshock Infinite panel. I was looking forward to going to that panel more than anything else, but hey, shit happens at PAX and you have to pick up and move on. We did just that by heading down to the Saints Row IV booth for what I am hoping is a neat gameplay video.

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If you thought Saints Row The Third was over the top and crazy, well wait until you get a load of what’s to come. You’ll be playing as the leader of the Saints who also happens to be the President who wields super hero capabilities and shoots dubstep guns that cause people to jive like a bunch of seizing meth heads. Yes, you read correctly, the dubstep gun. Awesome. The game looks over the top, hilarious, and fun and it makes me want to finish off the second and third one as soon as I can.

After Saints Row IV made us smile, we grazed the floor for free crap. A few lanyards and tote bag later and here we are lined up for the Mass Effect Retrospective panel up in the main theater. Patrick has escaped us again. He is honestly the tallest ninja I have ever met.

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It was fun to hear from some of the panelists about the history of Mass Effect and what they will be missing most about the trilogy. It was also amazing to hear that they’re going to be working on another Mass Effect game that has nothing to do with this trilogy. I love that different stories can exist in this universe. The lore is so huge that there are literally thousands of stories that can be told. I cannot wait to see what they have in store for us next.

On a quick side note, I do have to say that Casey Hudson annoys me and so does the actor who plays the voice for Kaiden. Casey annoys me because he pretends that they didn’t notice all of the green shit oozing from that crappy ending until they looked at it from the perspective of the fans. Like the hundreds of people making the game didn’t realize what they were doing. I call horseshit on that. Instead of throwing us your excuses, just own up to your mistake and fix it man. They eventually did kind of fix it and I am grateful to them for that, but I just want the guy to say, “Hey, we fucked up.” I have a lot more respect for people and their companies if they own up to their mistakes. We are all human and I can forgive them for that.

Now the voice actor for Kaiden is simply just an asshat. He kept reminding the crowd that he was an actor, and that as an actor, acting was like acting with out moving but blah blah blah. We get it, you’re soooo super cool for playing the one character that most people let die in the first game, congrats. On top of that, when questions were being asked for every panelist to answer (i.e. Cure genophage or not), the dude blatantly made it obvious that he has never played a game he acts in. Giant. Fucking. Facepalm. He took his answers from whatever seemed to be the popular choice. If you’re going to bring an actor to a panel, make it one who has at least played the game. Okay, we are headed down for some overdue game time!

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It’s been such a long day but we wanted to play some more games. So we went down and got into line for Gears of War judgment. It’s kind of a crazy place to stand because it’s located in the Xbox corner and everyone who is anyone in the industry just happens to be chilling out over here. In order to find the line, I ran into a tall man with an extremely perfect white beard. He pointed me in the right direction upon me asking him where the line was, but I couldn’t stop staring at him. It wasn’t that he was the sexiest older man I’ve ever seen, but it was because I had this weird feeling that I’ve seen his sexy face before. Then it hit me that he was Claude Errera, the dude who created halo.bungie.org. This guy is like Bungie fan extreme. I remember watching the Halo 2 limited edition bonus DVD and they showed Claude hosting a house full of gamers from across the country to an epic Halo LAN party. He’s cool enough to get special treatment from 343 because they let him cut in front of everyone so he could test out the new upcoming Halo 4 Castle Map Pack.

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Yeah, I just saw Larry Hryb, Xbox Live’s Major Nelson. He came walking by the Gears of War Judgment line. This dude is like king of the Xbox nerds. As he walked by I belted out a hearty, “MAJOR!” I didn’t really pay attention to his response because I hid my face after realizing all the attention my random shouting gathered. Patrick told me that Major’s response was a simple raise of the hand as he kept walking on by. No smile, or anything, which seemed to bug Patrick. I didn’t mind, the dude probably gets that every ten seconds when he walks around Willy Wonka’s effing game factory.

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This is seriously the most fun I’ve ever had just standing in a line. We haven’t even played the new Gears yet. We just got done watching a heavyset man and a booth babe tear it up on the Dance Central 3 stage performing Gangnam Style. I was thinking that he was going to look sloppy while the babe was going to kill it. I shit you not when I say that this large dude rocked that song better than whoever the hell actually sings it. Mad props to him because it was truly entertaining to watch.

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We finally got to hop into a match of Gears of War Judgment and to our surprise; we were playing against a journalist from Wal-Mart who was filming the whole thing. We totally kicked his ass, but because he was there, we got to play two games in a row. How crappy for us, right? I’d like to get into the gameplay for Gears and tell you about how different this and that is, but all I can really say is that it’s exactly like Gears 3 with the addition of new weapons. Blah blah, try it out if you want, but I wasn’t impressed.

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Same story with the Halo 4 booth. They were showing off the new Castle Map DLC. I had fun playing Halo, but I didn’t really feel like I was playing anything new. It was the same old Halo on a different map. I had more fun with the Halo demo than the Gears demo to be honest. It’s starting to get late and the floor closes in like thirty minutes. We’re sitting here in line for State of Decay while this butch chick is explaining the game’s details to us. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with her being butch, in fact she’s really cool. She just seems like the type of woman that leaves the bathroom excited to tell you about how big of a shit she just took and that could lower anyone on the attractive scale. My only issue here is this rude guy, that Patrick later told me was one of the Senior dudes from Kotaku, interrupted her so she would talk to him instead of us. He was then rushing her because he had other places to be. “Yeah, can you hurry up, I have another place to be,” exact phrase (or close enough). I hate that developers, especially small ones like this company, have to get on all fours for a popular journalist because their game sales could be affected by what he has to say.

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State of Decay is the zombie survival game our butchy developer described as a third person shooter/rpg/strategy/survival horror/zombie simulator. What a mouthful. She knows that but she also told us that their game was the first of its kind. The game takes on the setting of a survivor community where the gamer can play as any member he or she wants (assuming he’s befriended them). Each character has his or her own set of skills. One person can be a doctor while another is a farmer. The game involves melee combat, shooting, driving, scavenging, and much more. I was really impressed to see how much content they poured into the game. I felt like it was Grand Theft Auto meets a better version of Dead Island. All of this great stuff and the game is an arcade title rather than a triple A title. They have some texture issues and glitches to fix up still, but this game is very solid and I would highly recommend testing it out when it’s officially released.

            After the awesome demo concluded, we went up stairs and grabbed a quick bite to eat. There is no reason for the food to be this damn expensive, good Lord people. We then met up with Tom for one of our last panels of the day, one that we are still standing in line for. The panel is about violent video games and children.

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            The psychologist speaking wasn’t there to say that video games don’t cause violence, but he was there to say that there isn’t any evidence that supports that claim nor is there any evidence to negate it. Basically the studies that have been done aren’t being conducted properly. It’s was pretty interesting to see that the media likes to keep people in fear so that they’ll continue to watch. Video game violence in relation to our children seems to be one of those hot topics that the media runs to when tragedy strikes our nation. But gamers are the most peaceful group of people I’ve ever been around. I’ve seen more violence at concerts and sporting events than I have at video game conventions (where I witnessed zero incidents). And I’ve spent more hours at conventions than the other two.

            We are now in line to watch the history of Mojang. We got here before everyone so we are at the head of the line. Sweet! It doesn’t start for another hour or so though, lame.

Okay, so it was a great video. I don’t really care to talk about it because I think it’s something every MInecraft lover should view on his own. It’s well worth the ninety minutes. See you girls tomorrow.

PAX East 2013 Day 1

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After thirty hours of driving and avoiding a sickness that I thought was going to ruin me, I woke up this morning feeling fan freaking tastic. I got crappy sleep the night before we left and it made the ten hours (of thirty) that I drove pretty crappy and I couldn’t even get any proper rest when I was riding passenger either. Anyhoo, we left the hotel after seven and made our way to the convention center.

Before I get into to PAX East let me just ask you if you read about my Boston journey last year? I complained about how far away we were from the convention and about how I didn’t really care for public transportation. I would like to take part of that back. I would never again like to stay in China because waiting for the bus on an Easter Sunday was an experience I never want to have again, but this year we are staying in the city and the subway is down the street. It makes for easy travel in this bitter cold weather. Driving here was a mistake though. I come from a city where the roads are normal. I don’t know what happened in Boston, but you need a fucking map to cross the street. It’s ridiculous. Okay, on to PAX stuff. Let me just welcome you to Boston, this blog is going to be wicked awesome.

We showed up right before the doors opened at 8 and got stuck in a very long line. Fortunately for us, we were located at an area in the line that was so mashed together that we were able to hop thirty minutes ahead of where we were suppose to be. Sounds messed up I know, but in my defense, everyone was doing it. Bad excuse, whatever. We got inside and immediately took a peak at the expo floor. We were extremely pleased with the goodies that laid in wait for our taking. Goodies like WatchDogs, Assassin’s Creed 4, and Elder Scrolls Online are just a few short hours away, but first, we must go stand in line at the main theater so we can watch Cliff Bleszinski’s story time panel. That’s where I’m at right now. I’ll see you afterwards.

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Cliffy B was amazing. He shared a little bit of his memoirs and they were fun to listen to. He is so passionate about his career and his love for video games that it’s really inspiring to me as a young designer/writer in training. This man even shared some very heartfelt moments in his life that I can truly appreciate. He also pointed out that we gamers have a passion that people will never understand. Those people who go to these conventions judging those who attend don’t realize what this stuff means to us. But fret not my fellow nerds; it’s something we should all be proud of. Revel in who you are, Cliffy B thinks you should and so do I.

Time to hit the expo floor before our next panel.

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            Holy cow. There’s more candy on this floor than I had previously imagined. We only had thirty minutes to peak around the floor, but I took a quick gander at everything I wanted to check out first hand this weekend. Here it is.

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag

Splinter Cell: Blacklist

Watchdogs

Elder Scrolls Online

Halo 4: Castle Map Pack

Gears of War Judgment

Dead Island: Riptide

Diablo 3 on consoles

Saints Row 4

Remember Me

Last of Us

I had seen that some of the developers of Injustice: Gods Among us were there doing an interview for Twitch, but I couldn’t find their damn booth. Grrr.

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            Okay, so Rooster Teeth was very fun to watch, but the whole thing turned very sour when they opened the floor to questions. The whole process became a love confession.

“Oh you guys are awesome, thank you for being amazing.” Blah, blah, blah, we get it; Rooster Teeth helps get you off. One dude even went as far to tell us that he had acne and was bullied in high school after he told us how we could find him on Twitter. I know we are all equals here and I can appreciate passion just as much as the next person, but talking for ten minutes without asking a question is a tad fucking ridiculous. We left early because we got tired of everyone propositioning the panel.

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            While my buddy Patrick and I waited for Tom we decided we’d sit in on the Splinter Cell video demo. It’s been quite a few years since they’ve released a Splinter Cell and after watching this, it’ has become one of my most anticipated games of 2013. The graphics looks insanely amazing and hearty. Sam’s facial features are very defined and the atmosphere feels like home. It really does suck that a different actor now voices him because in that realm, it doesn’t feel the same as it should. We watched our demo guide take Sam through a nighttime journey where he stealthily moved through the entire map without killing anyone. It’s awesome to see that the game may have some returning roots that are still hanging around from old school splinter cell games.

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            We just got done standing in line to complete a survey. Normally you wouldn’t see this kind of behavior over a survey, but add a free T-shirt into the mix and you’ve just started a party. Giving away a free T-shirt at PAX is like giving away free hand jobs in a bar.

            After scoring our free shirt we walked over to a lineless Diablo 3 on consoles. We played a nice little fifteen-minute demo of the game. I was a tad skeptical playing a PC favorite game on an inferior console, but I have to admit, I was mildly impressed. The controls felt simple and smooth and the game actually looked very nice given its limitations. Granted I don’t think it can ever match the power of a PC, but it certainly is great enough to enjoy on a console. I do plan on getting that one in the future.

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Yay! Free shirts! We stood in line to watch the Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag video and it was a piss off. It was pretty much a documentary of developers simply telling you what was going to be in the game. Then they finished it up by showing you “gameplay” that you could easily tell wasn’t really playable yet. I like videos of actual gameplay, not this rendered horse crap. After that demo, we went out to the Ubisoft area where they were asking for you to pre-order their games from Amazon. We pre-ordered all three games (Watchdogs, Assassin’s Creed, Splinter Cell) and got free shirts for each. Shortly after that we canceled the orders haha. Forgive me; I’d rather have my stuff on the next gen consoles.

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            I was really expecting a lot of good stuff from the Halo 4 panel, but I was misled. Frank O’Connor was not there as was advertised and they didn’t talk about Halo, Past Present, and Future (also as advertised). Instead they gave us a lesson on what their multiplayer statistics were and then showed us a trailer for their new map pack that has already been on the internet for over a month. We wound up leaving this one early as well because it totally just sucked ass.

            Instead we went back to the expo where Patrick and Tom secured their Ubisoft T-Shirts. We then stood in the last line of the day to view the Watchdogs trailer. It was a re-mastered version of a previous trailer cleverly detailed through the eyes of a security team. It harnesses the view of the protagonist via the cameras around the city. The game looks absolutely amazing and I cannot wait to get my grubby hands on it. The idea of controlling the world around you via your cellphone is simply too amazing to even fathom. Graphics are fresh and the concept is new, I can’t wait to see how it plays out.

Stay tuned for day 2.

PAX East 2013 Survival Tips

PAX East is quickly approaching which means it’s time to get prepared. I’ve only been to one show but I learned so much there that I now know how to make my three day stay in Boston very comfortable. I’m going to take this opportunity to share with you a little survival guide for PAX. This one goes out to the two friends of mine that will be joining me on this joyous occasion in just twelve days.

Last year my Uncle and I had a rough time with travel arrangements and we often found ourselves arriving much later than we had hoped. We unfortunately wound up staying across the city and had to resort to bus/subway travel. It wasn’t a bad way to go because everything was pretty cheap, but the downside was that the bus had funky schedules on the weekend. Not to mention that this particular weekend had an Easter Sunday. Our bus showed up every couple of hours to pick people up, no doubt expecting a low volume of passengers. So keep in mind, when you go to PAX this year, the travel arrangements you have set up. If you’re across town for some unfortunate reason, make sure you look up the bus schedule and get to where you need to be in a timely manner. The city doesn’t care about your time requirements, trust me.

Now you’re probably wondering why it matters to show up at PAX at a decent time. I mean, the show doesn’t even start until 10, right? True, but you’re looking at 60-70 thousand game fans showing up at around the exact same time. Showing up early doesn’t hurt anyone. Which brings me to my next lesson. Be prepared to wait…for everything. You will need to have some patience because PAX is an overcrowded joyride that forces you into a game of hurry up and wait. If you plan on attending the exhibition hall first thing, show up at 8. You’ll wait two hours to get in, but you’ll probably be at the front of the line which means you’ll have first dibs on whatever you want. Last year, my Uncle and I found ourselves waiting three hours to play a fifteen minute demo of Borderlands 2. Granted, it was some of the best fifteen minutes we had at the show, but the wait was just excruciating.

Your wait time will never be short, ever. In fact, when it comes to attending panels, the longer you wait, the better seats you’ll have. I would recommend showing up to whatever panel you want to see an hour before it starts. Sooner even, depending on what you’re going to see. The Rooster Teeth panel was a very long wait for me (mainly because the Penny Arcade Q&A session lasted longer than expected) but since I showed up in line later than I wanted to, I wound up sitting near the back of this giant concert hall. I had to view the whole thing via the giant television screens they placed up. Not every venue is that large, so if you want to ensure that you get to see the panels you want, you had better show up early.

Waiting in line is probably one of the most boring experiences I’ve ever had in my life. There were times where I got to converse with other gamers who were waiting in line, but after a while it got old and I just wanted to be left alone in my own thoughts. Fortunately for me, I brought my Kindle Fire and had plenty of time to read. The only downfall was that there was so much going on around me that I found myself re-reading the same sentence over and over until I just packed the thing back into my bag and played Fruit Ninja on my phone for an hour. Then I realized the battery on my phone was dying and I had to get back to my sentence. Bring something to do. People all around me last year had apparently been to PAX before because they were sporting laptops, handhelds devices, and tablets that kept them busy the entire time we were waiting. So if you’re going to PAX this year, make sure you bring something to help you pass the time because you will spend the majority of it waiting.

In case you haven’t noticed, most of what I’m telling you has to do with standing in line. Like, wear comfortable freaking shoes. I don’t know about you guys, but I have planter fasciitis, which in a nut shell means my flat feet make standing for long periods of time a pain in the ass. You’ll be seeing me with some arch supports this year and some comfortable freaking shoes. By the time Sunday rolled around last year, I could barely walk, which I think is the reason why we stood in line to play Max Payne 3 again because they had a wall you could sit up against. Make sure you’re comfortable, that’s very important to ensure you don’t have a miserable time (which is impossible at PAX).

Bring a backpack. I’m sure if you’re bringing something to keep you busy in line that you’ll have some sort of pack anyway, but having a backpack serves a lot of purposes. It’s going to hold the water bottle that you should definitely bring. Nothing sucks more than needing something to drink after you’ve been standing in line for two hours. Hell at that point, death is a better decision than losing your spot. A backpack will also help you keep your swag intake in check. You will get so much swag at PAX, that is a promise. Hell, by the time the third day rolled around I was practically in heat for whatever free shit I could get.  My first couple of days sucked because I was walking around with a giant T-shirt stash. I finally snagged a kick ass Torchlight 2 tote bag and that made the rest of my time much easier.

Make sure before hopping into a huge line that you’ve made your peeps and dropped your D’s. You don’t want those nasty diarrhea stomach pains while you’re waiting to play Far Cry 3 do you? That’ll just take away from the experience. In the opposite direction (other than bringing water) bring some snacks. If you get hungry you can just snap into a slim jim and be good to go for the next fifteen minutes. It wouldn’t hurt to have one of those things while you’re standing in the food line either haha. The food is expensive there, but it beats running two or three blocks away to find food. The venue didn’t really seem to have any nearby McDonalds stationed up anywhere. If anything, pack a lunch and bring it with you, there’s no losing with when you scarf down a tasty PB&J before watching the new Xcom game in action.

One thing I noticed last year, after spending hours and hours in line, is that some people smell like microwaved diapers. For the love of God, shower every day.  Do it for yourself, do it for the people who have to stand around you. Bring deodorant with you just to be safe. Trust me, the world will thank you, not just your fellow gamers at PAX.

Finally, I would like to recommend that you plan your days out. Look at the list of panels going on and know what time you have to be there. Just know this, though, you might not get to go to everything you want, and that’s okay. The show floor was my favorite part of PAX because it was so full of life. There are so many booths and things going on that last year we kind of played everything by ear. Should we go to this panel or stand in line for Diablo 3? Yeah, we chose Diablo also. Except one of the developers from Blizzard just started handing out free beta keys, so we played Torchlight 2 instead.

PAX was one of my favorite moments last year and I am completely psyched to be going again this year. If you’re going, send me a shout out and we can go wait in line together somewhere. If you’re not going, stay tuned Mar 22-24 because I will be posting as many updates as I can on my twitter/facebook/and of course right here on my handy dandy blog. Stay clean my friends.

The Future of Gaming: PlayStation 4

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If you haven’t noticed, the Internet has literally shit its pants yesterday. I’d figure I’d join in on all of the commotion that has been caused by the unveiling of Sony’s PlayStation 4. You’re probably thinking that I am going to torch their entire two hour reveal simply because I am an Xbox die hard, but you would be wrong. I don’t discriminate Sony because they suck; I’ve stayed away from them because most of their fans suck. I suppose that is rather petty of me, but the gamer inside is able to watch a console reveal like this and still be happy despite what brand it is.

I had a fun little conversation last night about the PlayStation 4 and I suppose my opinions were coming off as a little bias. I wasn’t really too impressed with the Sony press conference and one of the dudes I was talking to almost shit a golden brick when I stated that. He literally started yelling at me and this caused me to block out the part of my brain that wants to accept reason. I decided to wipe the event out of my head, watch the entire press conference today, and provide an unbiased opinion on what I saw.

First off, I have to say that Sony came out very well prepared and the fact that the entire conference was dedicated to the PS4 and the games coming out on it was impressive. I was disappointed that they didn’t show the actual console itself because that is something that should be revealed if you’re going to unveil something like this. Showing us the new controller was not enough to get me excited for this new console. The specs, however, did get me a little excited. The next gen consoles are going to be powerhouses that should be able to bring us the best gaming we’ve ever had to date. Sony showed off some other pretty neat stuff too that really peaked my interest in the console itself.

Social media in gaming is becoming a much larger market than it was eight years ago and to see how Sony is working with that was pretty neat. I enjoy the idea of being able to suspend my game so I can snag a quick screen shot or video from the game I’m playing and upload it immediately. That feature is practically genius in a world that has been devoured by social media. It’s a quick and easy way to show off what you’re doing on your console. They have even included a “share” button on the controller that provides a quick and easy method of accomplishing this. I think it’s a great idea and something that I would use. My only concern is where these things are being uploaded to and how much freedom will I have with them? I don’t want to be greedy, but if they could make it so I don’t have to purchase an expensive capture card to make Youtube films, then that would be great. I’d like to know more about this feature and I’m sure they’ll slowly let it leak out as the console nears its release.

Another feature that really caught my attention was the way you and your friends can live stream whatever game you’re playing so other people can watch. Often times I’ll be in a party chat where we are all playing something different. Sooner or later someone will say, “man that was cool,” or, “that was awful,” and I want to see it. I’ve even taken photos with my phone so I could show my friends a weird glitch in Skyrim. How cool would it be to just allow your friends to peak their heads in on you while you’re playing so you could show them that stuff? Even better is the sharing idea, if my friends weren’t online at the time, I could snap shot or record whatever I wanted to. This method of sharing is something that I think could really help drive the social aspects of gaming into another dimension. On top of your friends being able to view what you’re playing while you’re playing it, you could even grant them access to take over for you if you wanted them to. Now that is a feature that is freaking awesome. I’m not sure if both people need to own the game or not, but the fact that this is a possibility makes me happy.

I also enjoy the idea that Sony has the technology to allow people to try any game they want to without having to download a demo. You simply browse the library of games and click which one you want to play in. No wait time, no download, and you get to play the actual game. This is a feature that is long overdue because nothing sells a game better, for me, than being able to give it an honest test drive. Sony also had a quite a few developers show off the new games they have coming to the console. I’ve never really been one to get into PlayStation games, but I was a tad disappointed to see that they have existing IP’s being made for the next gen console. I suppose it’s because I am a huge advocate for new things in the gaming world. I don’t think it is a bad idea to continue an IP, but I just don’t like them being used as a marketing tool to sell a console. I’m sure Microsoft will do the same thing when it’s their turn to show off their next gen product.

Finally, I like the idea of Sony’s cloud that will make it so you can seamlessly play any game from the PS4 and the Vita. It seems much like the Wii U controller where you can switch from the television to the game pad effortlessly. I have a Vita and it has provided great quality games (so far), so being able to play console standard games on this hand held is a pretty neat idea. Not only that, but Sony is pretty ambitious about making it so you can enjoy games from PS1, 2, and 3 this way. Expanding backwards compatibility all the way back to the beginning is amazing enough, getting to play all those games on your hand held is even better. Granted they didn’t state that you could do that now, but it is something that is hopeful in their future.

Now, as an avid Xbox fan, I can only hope that Microsoft can bring some big guns to their show. I would like to see some of these same features, particularly the sharing button as well as spectating. They have deep enough pockets to make it happen and with an improved Kinect (I’m not keeping my fingers crossed) the possibilities are endless. I do have to remain a tad skeptical though. I haven’t liked the trends gaming has become with its “sell games and ask questions later” mentality. I feel as if the industry has forgotten what was important, the gamer. Sony states that the PS4 was created with that mentality and with the mentality that the developers are important. Apparently all this new technology is suppose to make it easier for developers to make games and explore their imagination. I really hope that is true because I am dying for the next big thing. Right now it’s looking like Bungie is doing just that with Destiny, a game that will probably knock the socks right off of my feet. If you don’t know what it is, then I implore you to read the freaking Internet once in awhile.

All in all I was very impressed with what Sony had to say, which is further than where I was last night. I need to remind myself that fanboys are the way they are and I cannot let it have a negative effect on me. With that said, Microsoft has a tall order ahead of them and I really hope they deliver. In fact, I really hope Sony delivers on everything we learned yesterday. One thing I have learned over the years is that time after time Sony overhypes their console and under delivers. Microsoft has under hyped their consoles and over delivered. I hope this stays true, however, it would be great if Sony actually put out a console that I would consider buying. There is no reason I shouldn’t be a multiplatform gamer and I think this next generation just might make it happen.

Wallet Rape: A New Assassins Creed Announced

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And so the saga continues, a new Assassins Creed game has been announced for Ubisoft’s fiscal year 2014. That means it will most likely release in the holiday season of 2013. Which means this will be the fourth game in a row that released a year after its predecessor. It’s the same practice that has given us a new freaking Call of Duty game every year since forever ago, a new Halo game every year since the release of Halo 3, and a new Madden game every year since I can remember. Do people not see a problem with this? I’m tired of my favorite companies and franchises raping my wallet year in and year out so I can enjoy the same experience I just recently had with the SAME TITLE! It’s unreal.

A representative from Ubisoft stated that they have multiple teams working on different chapters of the franchise, so this way the games they release have multiple years of development on them. Who cares? The fact of the matter is that I am tired of getting a new version of what I just played EVERY SINGLE YEAR. I enjoyed the times where I had to wait a few years for the next installment of a game. That made games more valuable to me. Halo CE and Halo 2 are sacred titles in my library and I spent years playing them. Now days I don’t get that kind of time to fully enjoy a game. It’s hurry up and beat this game, among the many other games that you have purchased this year, because the next title is on its way. It makes the games less enjoyable and less worthy. To me, they become throw away titles.

Sure, the quality of the game is there because Team A has been working on it for three years, but my interest in it has subsided because I just finished the most recent title a month ago and low and behold thirty days later another freaking title is announced. Your last game wasn’t as good as it could have been, Ubisoft. It’s that reason, as well as your need to consistently force feed the same games to the public, that I will NEVER spend a full sixty dollars on one of your games. You just ruined the new Splinter Cell for me, thanks. At least that game had a couple of years between it’s predecessor, but the idea of giving you full price for a game only makes it easier for you to want to shit out another copy twelve months later. I’ll happily wait until your games are thirty dollars or cheaper. I hope it stings. I recommend any gamers reading this to do the same. It’s our voice that needs to stop this ridiculous practice from occurring to our favorite titles.

It’s sad, I’ve already written off the new Gears of War game because they didn’t need to make another one. Now another favorite of mine is at it again. What is next? Halo is only hanging on in my book because I absolutely love it, but if they announce Halo 5 for a holiday release this year, you can say goodbye to another sixty dollars in your wallets. I’m done being sodomized because I love gaming. Wake up people, you are being taken advantage of. You pay all this money for the same experience every year and more and more franchises are realizing they can do this and get away with it. Please stand your ground and let them know that it is not okay to do that.

Midnight Blues

            Maybe I should fill the tub up with water and drown her in it. What’s the big deal? I see mothers on the news all the time going to jail for drowning their babies.
            “No!” I scream at myself. What is wrong with me? This is my precious Sophie, my first-born child. Why would a thought like that even cross my mind? I look over at my sweet baby to make sure I didn’t wake her with my sudden outburst. She’s still fast asleep and I continue to watch her for a moment, her tiny chest barely seems to move when she breathes in and out.
            “What is wrong with me,” I asked myself? How could anyone have such a horrid image in their head about their defenseless child? It was sickening. I walk over to my bed and lay down, my head facing away from Sophie. I begin to sob. Tears stream down my face as my chest heaves in and out. I pull the comforter up to my mouth so I can muffle the sounds of my crying. I don’t think I can handle motherhood, especially by myself. I think back on the day I told Seth that I was pregnant.

***

            “This chicken tastes great,” Seth told me as he piled another fork full into his mouth. “What did you season it with?”
            “I smothered it in mayonnaise and the seasoned it with garlic and Parmesan,” I told him. I wasn’t hungry right now. I cooked Seth this amazing dinner as sort of a foot in the door for what I had to tell him. Maybe by making him happy first, he wouldn’t be mad about me telling him he is going to be a father.
            “Well I’m no cook, Sarah, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t find myself a good woman who can do it for m…”
            “Seth, I’m pregnant,” I said. I couldn’t wait until later. “I found out last week.” Seth put his fork down on the plate and looked me straight in the eyes.
            “Is the baby mine,” he asked?
            “Of course it is,” I snapped back. He pondered this for a moment before picking up his fork and continued on eating.
            “Are you sure you read the test correctly,” he asked.
            “Seth, I’ve already been to the hospital. They’ve confirmed it,” I replied.
            “Okay then,” he said with a mouth full of chicken and mashed potatoes. “We can do this. There isn’t any other woman on this planet that I would want to have a mistake with.” My mouth dropped open. He referred to his unborn child as a mistake. I know it wasn’t planned, but to think of his child as a mistake was just inhumane. The following morning I woke up to find that Seth was gone along with all of his belongings. I sat up in the bed and called his name.
            “Seth!” No response came. I slipped out of the bed and reached for my gown. When I picked it up,  a small note that was resting on it fell to the ground. I opened it up and read it.
          

I can’t do this.

***

            I take a break from crying and reach over to grab the engagement ring Seth had given me a month before I found out about Sophie. I don’t know why I insist on keeping it around. The beautiful white gold glimmers beneath the lamp as I thumb the diamond, reminiscing about how happy we were. I begin to get anxious and can’t stop my legs from shifting.
           “Ugh!” I can’t sleep. I set the ring back down on the table and walk over to the window and open the curtains. It’s dark outside, but the blanket of snow reflects the moon and stars off of it enough to light up the parking lot. I always hope to see Seth’s beat up Mustang pull into the lot with the window rolled down and his arm resting just outside of it, a lit cigarette between his fingers. That would be a typical entrance for him. But I didn’t see anything.
            For the past I week I have told myself that I have been crying because I was depressed about Seth not being here to help me, but I wrote him off as a deadbeat and hadn’t felt like this until after Sophie was born. The doctor warned me before I left, he told me that Postpartum depression was something I needed to be on the lookout for and to come back and see him if I was experiencing any sobbing episodes, headaches, and even a lack of sleep. I’ve experienced all three of those symptoms, plus I keep having urges to smother my beautiful baby with a pillow. But I love her and would never harm her. I sit down in the rocking chair next to Sophie’s crib and watch her sleep. Sometimes it is peaceful to me to watch her like this, but other times I get sad and begin crying. After a few minutes pass, Sophie stirs herself awake and begins to cry. It’s feeding time. Her screeching wails piss me off and the feeling to throw her out the window comes into my mind again. Oh Lord what can I do. I subdue the urges, change Sophie’s diaper, and rock her to sleep with a bottle in her mouth. Ten minutes pass and she is completely out again. I lay her down and walk back over to my bed. I get under the sheets. I grab my cell phone off of the nightstand and dial my doctor’s number.
            “Yeah, um, hello,” he answered in a groggy voice.
            “Hi Doctor Johanson, it’s Sarah Griffin.”
            “Sarah, yes, is everything okay?”
            Tears fill my eyes and I reply in a shaky voice, “No. I’ve been crying all week and I cannot sleep. I need your help.”

The Pampered Screw Up

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This is now the fifth time I have attempted writing this particular blog. It’s a tough post for me because it involves my wife and her family. I don’t want to speak ill of people I am related to, but it’s kind of hard when a particular person I wish to speak about continually screws up everyone’s life. Last August Nikki and I allowed her eldest brother and his family to come live with us. He has a wife and two daughters that I will go ahead and say he doesn’t deserve.  The reason they came to live with us is because they were getting evicted for a second time. The first time was when they were living in Pittsburgh, but this time they were in Florida with Nikki’s parents right across the way. Nikki’s father called her and asked her to take him in. I couldn’t help but wonder why this douche is my problem. He’s almost three years older than me and my life is in more order than his. His sister, my wife, is nearly six years younger than him. How often do you hear about older siblings having to move in with their younger ones? Not too often, at least not in my experience anyway.

Nikki and I talked it over. The wife and girls can come here if they want and they can start over without him, but if he wants to come with them, he has to follow a set of rules.

No Smoking

No Drinking

No Drugs

No Going over to your cousin’s house who is known for doing drugs

No Fighting with your wife inside my house, take it outside.

From there we established that if he did come, he had thirty days to get his GED and join the Army. A thirty-year-old man needs to provide for his family, not mooch off of everyone else. Two weeks later they were all here. I felt uncomfortable from the start, but that’s because I like things the way they are and I don’t care for people coming in and ruining my daily routine. I got over it, for a little bit. Right when they first got there, they only had three hundreds dollars to their name. So Nikki and I went out and spent like five hundred freaking dollars on FOOD so eight people could eat. Problems started early for me when her brother began eating everything. The man is a garbage disposal and I’m sure it’s very easy to be like that when other people are fronting the bill.

I’m sorry, let me get the good stuff out of the way first, considering there really isn’t a whole lot of it. During those first thirty days, Nikki’s brother did manage to study and get his GED. I was very proud to see how hard he worked. Well, I suppose I can’t say he did it by himself. Nikki, his wife, and I all had to constantly remind him to GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY XBOX AND STUDY! He would go upstairs and watch Youtube videos about Math and English. I’ll be damned if I didn’t think it was a stupid way to study, but it worked and he passed. Unfortunately when we took him to the Army recruiter, he was told that he needed fifteen college credits in order to join. It’s actually not that big of a deal, I mean, it’s one semester of school. I could knock that out in my sleep baby! So Nikki signs him up for classes and we let them extend their stay since it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t join the Army. While all of this was happening, his wife had managed get a job and began working full time.

Since Nikki’s brother wasn’t able to join the Army right away, we told him to find a job. After a few days of pillaging through crappy jobs, he got a roofing position. This man worked two weeks before punching a co-worker in the face and getting fired. Now I’m not too sure how his story goes because after a little while I realized that he is a compulsive liar.  He states the man swung at him first and that he swung back. I agree that I would have done the same if it were me, but not everyone agrees with that, and I’m not too sure what to think since I cannot guarantee the legitimacy of his story. Let’s fast-forward another month. Still jobless, we find out that this “man” is not doing his schoolwork that Nikki set him up for and on top of that, he wasn’t really looking for a job nor did he want to join the Army. Wow. Then why the hell are you living in my house?

It was after he told us that he didn’t want to join the Army (and the fact that he lied about doing school) that Nikki and I decided they needed to move out. We set a date; 15 November 2012 was the last day they were allowed to mooch off of us. On top of that we decided to collect rent from them for the month of October and the fifteen days in November. The October rent payment was to be in the form of five hundred dollars while the month of November was to be two hundred and fifty dollars worth of groceries. They were collecting food stamps and although he was wasting most of it on Pepsi and Doritos, we still managed to sneak a rent payment out of it. Considering we were paying for their food, it was the least they could do. However, issues arose about them paying rent. Nikki’s brother told me that they could do one or the other, preferably not the rent money. Obviously that solution went over as well as you may have thought. It was pay the rent or get the fuck out. We were better off either way and honestly we were getting fed up at this point. They paid both months and that was it.

He finally gets a job at a crappy company that called him in like twice a week, if that. The time was nearing for them to leave and that is when he and I had a falling out. I failed to mention earlier that they were using our car to get around. Every morning he would drive his wife to work and come back to my house. It was a hassle at times because on a few occasions Nikki was forced to ride her bike to work while they kept the car all day. This way they could both go to work. Please take note that my wife, the younger sister in this story, not only sacrificed our daughter’s bed, house, and money to her older brother, but now she was riding a bike to work so they could get around. What. The. Fuck.

One particular morning, Nikki’s brother informed me that he had to go out and apply for some jobs. Let me tell you, this “man” was gone for three hours, making it so I was almost late taking Kaleigh to school. When he came in I asked him in the nicest way I could, where the fuck he had been. Well he went by the apartment area to turn in the paperwork that would hopefully land them an apartment, and then he went job searching in the area since the one he currently held let him work once every two weeks. I didn’t believe that it took him three hours, so I asked him where he applied.

“King Soopers, and uh………….I don’t want to say.”

What? He was too embarrassed to tell me that he “applied” at a bunch of fast food places. I knew he was lying though because of his hesitation. Hell he just started naming off any fast food joint that came to his head. I then caught him off guard and asked him if those people would remember him if I called to verify.

“Okay, dad, whatever. What is this? I’m a grown ass man dude.” Yes you are. A grown ass man mooching off of his sister and her husband. Nice. So I took the car away. I told him that his wife would have to take the bus to get around and that I wasn’t making my wife ride her bike to work. Holy shit you would not believe the response I got from this “man.” He was so upset that I was taking the car and he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just do him this one favor.

Here is your fucking favor asshole. I let you live in my house, sleep in my daughter’s bed, drive my wife’s car, all so you could sit on your fucking ass all day while I cleaned up and took care of my kids all while trying to squeeze school in. You left mountains of Pepsi bottles all over my house, you had sex in my daughter’s bed when I asked you not to, you stained her sheets with it, you left dirty dishes upstairs when we told you that you were not to eat or drink up there. You disrespected the very people who went out of their way to help you. You sacrificed a tiny bit of your selfish life to achieve your GED and after that you became the laziest, most selfish person I have ever met in my entire life. And I was being a mean person by taking my car away when he couldn’t follow simple rules like, don’t be out for ten years because I have places to be as well?

That weekend we got into it again. He wanted to go stay at his cousin’s house for the weekend and I didn’t think that was okay. They had like eight days to move out of my house and I didn’t think it was appropriate for them to go party at his cousin’s place when they should be looking for a place to live. So I told him that if he left, he could take his all of his belongings with him because he was not welcome back. Again, I was being a bad person and he threw the fact that he was a grown man into my face, which I agreed to and told him to be a grown ass “man” elsewhere. So he actually packs up his entire family’s belongings and has his cousin come over to pick him up. He hadn’t talked this through with his wife, who was at work at the time. They didn’t have a place to stay, and his cousin was only letting them in until the weekend was over. He told Nikki that they would live in a hotel after that. Riiiight. Long story short, we gave him a chance to talk to his wife and she told him to shut it.  They stayed, got an apartment and moved out. Thank God!

The story doesn’t end there. He tells everyone that he got a new job at a moving company and for the past two months they have been doing well, or so we thought. Turns out, he didn’t have a job and was smoking pot with his cousin on a daily basis. He lied to his wife about getting paid and took her half of the rent money to “go pay up”. But he didn’t. Now they get evicted for a THIRD time and she finally made the wise decision to leave him. Nikki and I took his wife and daughters in while he gets left on the street. Up until tonight we thought he was going to be living at his cousin’s house, but as fate would have it, his cousin told him no and he landed himself in a homeless shelter tonight. Thank God, this “man” can finally learn to grow up by seeing how hard life can really be. WRONG!!!! Nikki’s parents bail him out again. They had the nerve to call and ask her to spot them money so he can get a flight to Pittsburgh were an Uncle has decided to take him in. FUUUUCK NOOO! But that didn’t stop her dad from finding another family member to help out. Here is what’s wrong with that.

First off, Nikki doesn’t get as much attention or help from her parents as he does. I mean, why should the child who is doing better off deserve attention? The screw up who takes everyone for granted is in constant need and sucks up everyone’s attention. Tell me how screwed up it is that the victims in the story, his wife and two children, are the ones who had to move back into my house so they could save up enough money to fly back to Florida. Yet the man who did this to them gets yet another free ride. He is being rewarded and they are being punished. I really wish Nikki and I could do more for them, but we can’t.  Please, pray for her and her two children. They don’t deserve what they’ve been through. If you’re a better person than me, you’ll also pray for Nikki’s brother. I won’t though; he’s not worthy of my words. I haven’t even said his worthless name in this post.  I cannot come to grips with this situation and I really wish my wife didn’t have to put up with it. I do apologize for the length of this post, but I had to get it out of my system.

The Real World

Millions of people across the world were already proclaimed dead, most of who are trying to kill those who remain living. I’ve been sitting in my apartment for over a week watching the news and playing video games. I was a hermit who did everything I could from the comfort of my living room. I worked from home, played video games, and passed whatever extra time I had by watching the news. I only left the apartment every week or so to collect supplies and mail out the transcripts I had written. Today was that day. I needed toilet paper, a new toothbrush, all the frozen pizza and hot pockets I could get my hands on, a carton of cigarettes, and a case of Easy Street Wheat, my favorite beer.

I sat on the couch watching as the news reported death tolls in Los Angeles and New York. Yesterday they said Colorado was pretty bad. Apparently some dude got sick, went to the hospital, and died before waking back up and eating the medical staff. I over exaggerate of course, but whatever he had was so contagious that every employee in that hospital that day died. It was a sad day for Austin, Texas. I didn’t really buy into the claims that these people were coming back to life and trying to eat the living, like reality turned into some twisted zombie horror film. The news never showed video footage of this happening because they claimed it was too dangerous to get close. I figured it was just a nasty strain of the pig flu and the CDC was having a hard time making a cure. Perhaps that explained the large death toll, assuming the news wasn’t bending the numbers to make it seem a lot more dramatic.

I got off my couch, grabbed my Denver Broncos hoodie, and headed for the door. I paused for a moment to put my hoodie on and reached out for the knob. What if the news claims were right, though, about people become zombies and eating others? If that were the case, Denver would probably look pretty bad. I’m on the east side of the city in Aurora, the most populated suburb in Denver. If people were turning into zombies, then this area would be bad. As ridiculous as it seemed, I waded through the piles of pizza boxes and empty Mountain Dew cans to my room and grabbed the Colt 45 my father gave me last Christmas. The silver gun was heavy in my hand when I picked it up. I inserted a full clip into the gun and stuffed the three extra clips into the pocket on my hoodie. Jesus, I was preparing for war.

I rubbed my lips, realizing that they were pretty chapped. That reminded me, I need some more Chap Stick. I went back through the sea of waste in my living room and opened the door. I peered out into the hallway and saw that it was empty. I began my short trip down to the elevators. Maybe I should take the stairs. I’m only two floors up and my fat ass could use a little bit of exercise. As I reached the corner a cold, dead human stumbled into my view. His eyes were a dirty yellow and his face was green. He looked like he was decomposing. A small trickle of blood flowing from the gaping hole on his face spilled down the remainder of his cheek and onto his ratty clothes. He snarled at me, showing off his yellow, blood stained teeth that were as sharp as fangs. He took his first few steps towards me, the tops of his feet dragging on the carpet, his hands outstretched in my direction. I was frozen for a brief moment, but it was long enough for this creep to grasp my hoodie as I turned to run. I should’ve left it at home, its mid July, who needs a sweatshirt in July? His strength was overwhelming as he dragged me onto my back. I fumbled for the gun in my pocket while the man fell on top of me. This fucker was clumsy, which was my only saving grace. I pulled the gun out of my pocket, turned the safety off, and fired three rounds into his head.

My ears were ringing from the gunshots; I hadn’t realized how close my head was to his until the sound shook my brain. I pushed him off of me and stood up. The man’s blood, as black as night, stained my beautiful Bronco’s attire. I ripped the hoodie off and sprinted towards the stairs. I was half way down before I realized that I had urinated all over myself. I reached the bottom of the stairs and checked my pants.  It looked as though someone dumped a bucket of water on me. I can’t do this. I’m a loner who spends most of my life in a fictional world living as someone else. I’m no survivor. I walked outside, letting the warm breeze consume me. I made my way out into the street that was still lined with streetlights. I dropped to my knees and put the gun into my mouth as the lamp above showered me in a spotlight, as if my suicide was on a stage for everyone to see. That’s when I realized that I was made for this. I kill fictitious zombies all the time. As that thought crossed my mind I saw two more zombies approaching me from my left. I pulled the gun out of my mouth and fired two shots. Dead on. I stood up again, letting the spotlight shine on my epiphany. I may have been an outcast in the real world, but that doesn’t make my life any less worth living. My lips stung me for a moment as I pondered my decision to live. Christ, I needed some Chap Stick.

Talking Spoons

It’s been three years since our youngest child graduated from high school and flew the coop. Things began to get lonely for Linda and I without the kids around and the gap between us grew as time passed. The only time we really spent together was during dinner where the clanking of our silverware carried on the conversation. We sat in silence. We had become desperate in our attempts to fix our marriage and decided to take a vacation, just the two of us. We left our lives behind so we could spend quality time together and try to figure out how we ever got along before having kids.

I found myself sleeping in a separate bed across from Linda while the warm Hawaiian breeze crept in from the patio and tickled my feet. My pillow felt like a small box of cardboard filled with feathers. The rough and scratchy sheets made it difficult to get comfortable. The hum of the fan filled the room as I lie on my side, staring through the dark in Linda’s direction. Her incessant snoring told me that she was fast asleep. At that moment I couldn’t help but realize how the kids brought us closer than we could have ever imagined. The never ending sporting events and practices, the dance recitals, and the plays we’ve attended forced us to spend a lot of time together. Christmas morning was always my favorite. Linda and I would try to sleep in as long as possible before the kids came bearing down on us with insatiable excitement for what Santa had left them the night before. I would get out of bed and start a pot of coffee for the two of us while she made a quick breakfast for everyone. It was typically bacon, sausage, and eggs with a side of toast. Fresh jam that her sister gave us rested in the center of the table and we would all sit down and eat together. We would have lengthy conversations about how life was going or whose favorite football team was playing well. Linda and I would speak to each other like nothing was ever wrong. It was like kids kept us glued together in those precious moments. She would stare longingly at me from across the table until I caught her eye.

“I love you,” she would say in her pleasantly soft voice.

“I love you too, Doll.” I would reply. A single tear forced its way out of my eyes as I reminisced about how happy we used to be. We had fallen in love before we had kids. We used to go on dates all the time and have long conversations while sitting in front of the fireplace in her dad’s basement. We couldn’t stand being away from each other for more than thirty minutes. I rolled over on my bed, facing the patio that was glimmering the soft glow of the street lights out yonder. I closed my eyes, realizing that I needed sleep, and finally submitted to my unconscious.

We woke up the next morning craving a hearty breakfast, so after getting showered and ready, we made our way down to the hotel restaurant. It was a real fancy place that had beautiful beige carpet with black silhouettes painted all across it. The chandeliers hung from the ceilings like large bats in a cave, graciously lighting up the entire place.  Linda and I sat in silence, as usual, as we waited for our meal to come. At the table next to us were a young man and woman that reminded me of when Linda and I were younger.  Their hands met together in the center of the table as they gazed into each other’s eyes, talking quietly as if they weren’t in a crowded room. That’s when it happened. The woman’s cell phone began ringing and when she reached for it, she spilled her soft drink all over the table and her pink dress. She looked at the man with menace in her eyes, as if he were the one to cause it.

“I fucking hate you,” she cried. The man sat there stunned.

“What the hell? Why?” He asked.

“You spilled my coke all over me,” she hissed.

“How could I have done that, you spilled it when you reached for your phone,” he replied.

“You didn’t let go of my hand when I pulled away.” The woman stormed out of the restaurant leaving the man looking embarrassed and confused.

“Do you remember when we were that young,” I asked Linda?

“I do,” she replied.

“Did we ever fight over such petty inconveniences?”

A smile pushed its way onto her face, “Sure we did, but I don’t remember ever making a scene in public.” We laughed for a brief moment as we remembered our youth. This was good; we were talking over a meal. I decided to keep it going by bringing up our past.

“Do you remember that time at Winter Park when your skis got underneath you and you wiped out, sliding head first down hill,” I asked?

Linda began laughing, “Yes! And you were down the hill a little ways and when you tried to stop me, I only knocked you over and you went sliding down behind me.” We laughed for a good minute, not realizing that it was something we needed. I put my face into my napkin to hide how red my face was getting. The story wasn’t even that funny, but it helped us connect in a way that we haven’t been able to in years. It was like we had to start over from the beginning again, but I was okay with that. Linda stopped laughing first. I pulled the napkin away from my face to catch her staring into my eyes. She reached across the table and took my hand into hers.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too, Doll.”