Depression

I feel lonely.  I have an amazing wife and together we have two beautiful children, yet I still feel lonely.  It’s because after I separated from the military I became a hermit who indulges in the lives of fictional characters in movies, video games, and books.  Their lives are so much more interesting and they actually have stuff going on.  What do I do?  I wake up and do jack shit all day. I take care of my kids and get them to wherever they need to be on any given day, but other than that, I really don’t do anything but school and video games. That, or I veg out and get fat.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Where has my motivation gone?  I’d love to wake up and go for a jog every morning.  Even better, I’d love to wake up and actually want to go for a jog.  I don’t like having to force myself to go workout because more often than not, I’ll just skip it because I’m being a lazy fat ass.  I don’t want to be a lazy fat ass. I want to be in shape and I want to have motivations.  I want to feel like my life has purpose.

I have started a new degree and I do have quite a bit of time left to finish it, but when I look at the faces of my friends on Facebook, I can see that most of them are accomplished.  They’ve completed their degrees and are pursuing their life dreams. But when they look at me I’m sure they see nothing but a guy who likes to use the “f” word excessively and act like a pompous asshole who feels the need to correct everyone’s spelling and grammar.  Looking at these faces gets me reminiscing about a simpler time in my life where I didn’t have all of the responsibilities that I do now.  I just wish I had the drive to be as outgoing as I was then because I miss human interaction.  Not with my wife and kids because they kind of have to interact with me, but a social life that I can escape to other than playing video games.  Fuck me.  I feel like such loser sometimes.